How to Survive a Bad Job

A lot of the reasons I was so miserable at my previous institution are no longer a factor there (personnel changes all the way from where I was to the very top of the reporting structure), but I can't lie: I was fairly miserable at my last job. There are a few people in my life now who are just as miserable as (if not more miserable than) I was. I've given some version of this pep talk a couple of times recently, and I thought I'd pass it along to a broader audience.

 

The first thing you need to do in order to survive a bad job is to know it's not you. It's them. Trust me. Bad jobs are never bad because there are reasonable people around you who have attainable expectations and support you while you're doing the work. A job is bad because you are treated poorly in some (usually many) ways, whether it's an unrealistically small budget or unattainably high standards or colleagues and supervisors who are absolute nightmares.

So, repeat after me: "it's not me; it's them."

No. Say it again. I don't think you believe it yet.

Still with me? Okay. The next thing you need to do in order to survive a bad job is you have to figure out a way to get out of there and work towards that goal. That's going to look different for each person with a bad job. Sometimes, it will mean moving states away. Sometimes it will mean changing industries or sectors of an industry (like academic to public or law to corporate). This step is going to take a loooooooooooooong time for some of you. Spend 15 minutes minimum every day on this. It took me 4 years that last time I wanted to get away from a bad job. (Yes, sometimes you can ameliorate the shite. Talk to your supervisor's supervisor if you trust them. Talk to your union representative if you have them. I'm assuming you've already tried all that before coming to this post.) So what do you do in the mean time? You have to deal with what is instead of what you think it should be.

This is going to sound kind of obvious, but find your real reason for staying there (most likely $$ or educational benefits) and remind yourself of it every time shit gets shitty. The next time your boss throws you under a bus and doesn't apologize when you prove them wrong, remember the core reason you're there.

Next, make sure to take care of yourself. Find a therapist. Find something to do in your not-work life that brings you joy. Find someone to spend time with and cook with and laugh with, or all three at once! (This can be romantic or friendship or both, as suits you.) Get sleep. Eat nutritious food. Also eat junk sometimes, like chocolate or salami, but try to avoid eating your feelings because that will only make you feel worse. Do one thing for yourself, purely and selfishly for you, every day. Drink more water.

Also important, find ways to stay present. When that spike of anxiety or that fog of depression hits, recognize that it is what it is, but you can also be more in your own skin with a little effort. Here's a list of ways I've managed to bring myself back to the moment:

• Look around the room where you are and count something like everything blue, or everything wood, or everything rectangular.
• Close your eyes and identify the source of every single noise you hear. As I type this, I hear a colleague on the phone, the blowing of our heating system, the clacking of my typing, my own breath, and another colleague walking around their office.
• Think of a word that starts with every letter of your name. First name if it's not horrible, first and middle and last and title if you're drowning in anxiety/depression. Jumble echolocation sibilant sonorous ichor calamity alleviate. Do it again and again if needed.
• Take a slow breathe in, counting to five, and then let it out. I like the constant in and out of breath, but you could also breathe in, then hold, breathe out, then hold.
• Walk around the entire perimeter of the building you're in. Internally of the weather is crap, but externally if you are at all able to. Getting outside and feeling wind/sun/etc. is very very good for you.

Look, it sounds trite, but it's true that the only thing you can absolutely count on always happening is change. Maybe the change will be you, and you'll find a new job. Maybe the change will be them, and the people making you miserable will retire. You have to be intentional about survival when things are horrible, but you got this.

Everyone Else Is Already Taken

source

A while back someone (I'm sorry I don't remember who!) asked me if I'd revisit some old posts. Since it came up last week, I thought now was a good time to jump in my wayback machine and reconsider "Free to Be... You and Me," a post all about letting my nerd flag fly.

A few key points from that original post, for those of you who don't remember it and/or don't have time to read more than one blog post right now:

• I am a nerd of the first water. Played Dungeons & Dragons in the early 80s. Owned a ColecoVision. Doctor Who. Ad infinitum.
• I used to try to hide that fact.
• I stopped hiding that fact, and started being myself.
• Hilarity, and better connections with members of my community, ensued.
• I think everyone should do the same.

Flash forward two jobs and almost exactly 6 years, and I still feel like bringing myself - my whole self - to work is one of the best professional decisions I've ever made. I'm still a big ol' nerd, even though my current nerdy obsessions are "Lost Girl" and the Eric Carter series and hunting through thrift stores to find choice vinyl.

But being myself in my professional life is still working the same magic. You see, I have a Guster poster up in my office. They're my favorite band, after all. And when the union president stopped by my office to discuss the benefits of joining, he remarked on it. Turns out he loves Guster, too. So in between discussing the form and the money parts of joining our union, we gushed about the times we've seen our favorite band perform live. It was an unexpected bonus that made what could have been a stilted conversation go smoothly.

All of this isn't to say that I think everyone should be a nerd, or be like me. I'm just saying you should be your whole self at work if possible. Wear your Peggy Carter inspired jewelry. Listen to Ukrainian folk on your headphones or in your office. Put that picture of your pet ball python up in your work space. Make the dumb joke that gets people to laugh. Being yourself will help other people be real with you, too.

Lifting One Another Up

I was recently asked to describe my ideal job, and the first thing that came to mind was that I want to work somewhere that I can help support and promote and lift up others, but especially other library professionals. I was fortunate to work for some amazing library directors and with some truly supportive coworkers, so I know this isn't a unique perspective. I'll never forget the time my director at my immediate past job sat me down and said something like, "We've talked before about how I can help you do your job better, but today I'd like to ask you how I can help you progress in your career." It blew my mind, really. And that conversation was fortunately timed, because it was shortly after I'd started to get the inkling that I might want to be a library director myself. I confessed to that ambition and he responded along the lines of, "okay, let's get you ready to apply for those jobs," and gave me a specific lists of things I needed to cultivate. He even pulled me into meetings with vendors so I could get an idea of what to expect.

I've tried to live up to their examples as best I could, to support and build up the people who work for me and who turn to me for advice. I've always felt this was important, this is what we're supposed to do. This ideal is so much a part of my day to day that I frequently forget it's not everyone's ideal. I was abruptly reminded by a recent post from The Library Loon, "Building One Another Up." It's worth a read, but I think the most important passage is:

"It is so easy to tear people down. So easy. It is so hard to build them up, not least when that option hardly seems to be on the table."

So let's do it. Let's put this option on the table. Let's talk about ways administration can support their staff:

• Making sure everyone has professional development opportunities, even if it means giving up our own opportunities on occasion.
• Not taking credit for the ideas of others when things go well.
• Taking some of the blame when things don't go well.
• Working to and with people's strengths.

Let's talk about ways to support coworkers:

• Offering help as often as we ask for it.
• Being open and friendly about things when we disagree.
• Concentrate on behaviors and not personality traits when things go wrong.
• Sharing the spotlight.
• Phrasing things kindly and honestly when giving feedback.

Am I always a paragon of these kinds of behaviors? No. I'll admit to that time I basically told a coworker to shut up. I'll also admit that communicating with different kinds of people within the realm of libraries was a learning curve for me. But my instincts are to be kind and supportive.

What are some ways you've built people up?

Are Your Colleagues Dumb? Read This, by Kimberly Sweetman

When I think back over my career of almost 20 years, I can think of one or two defining moments. One in particular happened when I was about 2 years out of library school. I was living in the West Indies, 27 years old, and working as the associate director of the small library at an offshore medical school. That’s a great story in and of itself, but a story for another day. This was back in the mid ‘90s, and part of my responsibility was providing campus-wide training and support in Microsoft Office.

One day after assisting a colleague in the housing office with a spreadsheet, she turned to me and said, “you know, I used to wonder what value a young kid like you brought to the workplace, but now I know that you really know your stuff and do a good job.” This comment has stuck with me through my career. While librarianship was a second career for me as it is for many of us, I spent only a nano-second in my first career and earned my library degree in my mid-twenties. And I looked young. At a job interview about 10 years later (I still looked young then) I was asked how I deal with people assuming I’m younger and less experienced than I am. I was able to relay the story of what my housing office colleague had said and reply that my strategy has always been to be excellent at what I do.

Just as people no doubt dismissed me based on my appearance, I admit I did the same. When I first started out, I thought I was pretty hot stuff. I was bright and committed. There definitely were times I thought I was brighter and more committed than my colleagues. Sometimes I didn’t listen to them. And it’s a mistake I’ve seen repeated by lots of newly minted librarians. How about you? You’re smart. You’re energetic. You’re committed. You’re passionate. What do you think of your colleagues? Are they as smart, energetic, committed and passionate as you are? 

Diversity of perspective is essential in the workplace. Only recently (by reading Roger Martin’s The Responsibility Virus) did I realize that my choice to assume that my colleagues didn’t bring value to the discussion wasn’t just my own rash, over-inflated sense of self. Human beings are hard-wired to protect their own viewpoints and dismiss other perspectives. Roger Martin describes the four governing values that inform our actions when dealing with differing perspectives as:

1. Win, don’t lose;
2. Maintain control;
3. Avoid embarrassment;
4. Stay rational.

So, when someone offers a different perspective on something under discussion, we instinctively shift into a mode of wanting our perspective to prevail (win, don’t lose), of getting our way (control), of wanting our supported choice to be the right one at any cost (avoid embarrassment), and of staying rational to the point of being rigid. We tell ourselves that our perspective is the right perspective, and the answer we bring to the table is the right answer, which shuts us down from hearing differing viewpoints. We assume the other party is uninformed or possibly out to sabotage the organization. And we try to get others to see our way at the cost of listening to other ideas—ideas that could be really useful!

If we can alter this frame we can work with others to develop the strongest plans and ideas possible. Even opening your mind for five minutes to the possibility that others have something to contribute can change the dynamic. Rather than assuming you have all the answers, try this: actively tell yourself that although you have a lot of knowledge and understanding, you may not see or understand everything. By acknowledging that other people have different experiences that allow them to see things in different ways, you can remind yourself that their perspective will contribute to your understanding. Make your primary task accessing the collective intelligence in order to make the best choice.

The next time you are working with others to solve a problem, pause and check your mindset. Without being aware of Roger Martin’s theory, this is what my housing office colleague did. By actively reminding yourself that the perspectives of your colleagues, combined with your own, can make for stronger choices and options, you will ensure that your organization moves forward collaboratively. This benefits not only interpersonal relations in the workplace but also the plans and projects your organization carries out. Plans created with a diversity of perspectives are stronger and generally more successful. And fully thinking through an issue by weighing the contribution of everyone involved really does lead to better solutions.

After spending 20 years in library public service, Kimberly Sweetman now works as a consultant and coach helping libraries and library people to reach their goals and develop superior service through exceptional leadership. She blogs at kimberlysweetman.com and tweets as @sweetcoachcons.

Bias is Everywhere

One of my favorite jokes from when I was a kid is about a cat applying for a job:

After posting an advertisement looking for a new secretary, a business owner was surprised to see a cat in her waiting room with a completed job application and resume. Not wanting to be rude, the woman sat down and interviewed the cat. At every step, the cat was a stand out applicant. The cat could file, type, handle Excel spreadsheets, and so on.

The business owner was still skeptical, so she said to the cat, "Okay, you've got all the other qualifications, but the advertisement says you have to be bilingual."

The cat cleared his throat and responded, "Woof." 

Or, if you prefer a meme:

Why am I sharing these with you? Other than being a crazy cat lady, I do have a point to make... a point about bias and culture in libraries and education. I had a quick conversation about cultural bias with Meredith Farkas in response to a tweet she sent from a session she was attending at Library Instruction West. Language is only one example, albeit an obvious one, of the ways in which bias and cultural differences can play out. As an industry, libraries and librarians work so hard to be accessible to our communities, employing user experience professionals and even customer experience specialists to help us smooth the way, but so many of us are guilty of forgetting the cultural aspects of the library and/or educational experience. Even though we do forget, it's still an important consideration, because

@olinj agreed. We express our cultural beliefs, biases, etc. in everything we do. #liwest14
— Meredith Farkas (@librarianmer) July 24, 2014

Here are some ways in which I've had culture and bias problems in professional settings:

• Trying to teach a group of international students in a freshmen writing class about picking databases by talking about picking stores at a mall, only to realize a significant portion of the class had never been to a shopping mall.
• Saying things like "outcome" and "goal" and "Bloom's Taxonomy" while talking to a group of professors and getting blank stares in return.
• Being told, "oh, that's in the bowling alley," when I asked where something was and being completely stumped about where to go (until later when I learned "bowling alley" is the nickname for a weirdly shaped storage room we have).
• Sitting in a lecture about how to create student centered courses and seeing people visibly shocked by the idea that this is possible. (Happily shocked, but still shocked.)

Yes, I've been on both sides of confusion arising from cultural beliefs, biases, etc. I know about shopping malls since I grew up in the U.S. I use pedagogical lingo because I have an MAEd. I like to think of myself as mindful, but really, there's no way to get away from these little and big confusions. Even things that I think of as basic - such as which side of the stairs to use when you're passing someone who is walking in the opposite direction - are not actually basic. Heck, not even all Americans have identical cultures and biases (regional slang used to give me fits when I was in undergrad).

So how do you deal with it? Especially since there's no way to avoid expressing these beliefs, you need to be mindful and aware of your audience and yourself. If I hadn't been paying attention to the body language and expressions of my audiences, I never would have noticed that the class was confused about shopping malls or that the committee didn't speak pedagogy. Dealing with "bowling alley" took a different skill - being willing to ask questions when I'm confused. As for that last one, all I can advise is patience.

Really, patience and mindfulness are the key in all of this - be patient with yourself as you learn and be patient with those around you. Just don't expect everyone to be dog-speaking cats. That's a one in a million.

Haters Gonna Hate: Handling Workplace Conflict, by Dolly Moehrle

If it’s true that we spend more time at work than we do with our families, then it follows that we’ll inevitably deal with conflict; after all, families don’t get along all the time, and neither do colleagues. But where raising your voice, slamming doors, and the silent treatment are all tried and true methods for dealing with siblings or parents who just don’t understand, those techniques are considered “unprofessional” and “rude”—even when the co-worker is being THE WORST.

My previous supervisors will tell you that I can be controlling, a perfectionist, not into compromise. They might actually use the word “aggressive.” My low tolerance for bullshit gets me in trouble, you see. I’m one of those types of people that resent having my time wasted, resent inefficiency, resents “but we’ve always done it that way.” And I usually don’t keep those thoughts to myself. (Even when it would be best if I kept my thoughts to myself.)

There are certain things that are not even a question, in my mind, in terms of taking them to your managers and human resources. Harassment of any kind is not okay. Bullying is not okay. Discrimination is not okay. When these behaviors are obvious, you can and should report them. For a lot of situations, however, the behaviors are less blatant, and the conflicts more subtle.

Generally my workplace conflicts have fallen into a few categories:

1. Misunderstandings: You make a joke about paperclips. Bob is deeply offended as his mother designs paperclips. This can devolve into item 3, Passive Aggressive Crap, very easily if it is not addressed. And it can be addressed very easily as well: “Bob, I’m sorry I was insensitive about paperclips.” While some misunderstandings handle themselves, if a simple apology or an attempt to see the other person’s perspective and talk to them respectfully will help, then why wouldn’t you try? Harmony is more important than pride.

2. Incompatibility: Sandy’s a democrat! You’re a republican! Steve loves Nickelback! Karen can’t stop talking about saving sea lions! In the grown up world, not everyone likes each other. It happens. It really only makes a difference if it leads to you being treated poorly. Being incompatible shouldn’t impact the work. If they’re leaving you off emails, not letting you know about important things, or anything similar, then it’s an issue of…

3. Passive Aggressive Crap: It’s tempting to dismiss this stuff as the cost of being in the workforce. The enemy of passive aggression is directness. “Sally, I notice you didn’t include me on that email. In the future I need to see those, too.” The problem, of course, is that clear communication is hard, and letting stuff build and build until you ultimately explode is much easier, at least before the explosion and fallout. Sometimes, though, what you’re interpreting as deliberate is a mistake, or an oversight, or otherwise not on purpose.  It’s Hanlon’s Razor--“never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.” Confronting actions you see as passive aggressive before they drive you nuts can give you a chance to see what you’re up against, malice, or the other thing.

Also, making an attempt to resolve the issue with Sally before taking it to your manager will help your case if it escalates to…

4. Serious Issues: Like obscenity, a Serious Issue can be hard to define. For me, it’s something that impacts me in all areas: quality of my work, stress level, ability to get things done, etc. Or something I’ve tried to address with the other person but had them rebuff while the behavior continues. You can’t deal with these alone, and you shouldn’t have to. Your manager should be there to manage: Not only because it’s part of their job, but also because workplace conflict can result in lost productivity, high turnover, liability, and even workplace violence. But keep in mind the first three categories and ask yourself what, if any, role you’ve had to play. Like I said up top, I’m not super easy to work with, and I acknowledge that. Whatever I can do to help others tolerate me I’m happy to do before things escalate.

When you bring it to your manager, stay dispassionate. What matters most is the behavior making your work life miserable, not the fact that you hate Tom’s laugh. And document, document, document. Without specific examples of problem behavior, your manager isn’t going to be able to help you.

This list is by no means exhaustive. But until we’re all replaced by LibrarianBot™, as long as you’re working with human beings you’re going to experience some type of conflict. The best advice I can give you is to be prepared, and be willing to stick up for yourself. You deserve to be treated respectfully in the workplace.

Dolly Moehrle is a law librarian at the Ventura County Law Library in Ventura, CA. She was a 2012 Eureka! Leadership Institute Fellow and received her MLIS from SJSU in 2012. She blogs sporadically at dollymegan.com and tweets obsessively as @loather.

Wanna Play?, On Integrating Play into Work

A black Labrador in "play stance." (Source.)

I read an interesting quote this weekend: “The opposite of play is not work – the opposite of play is depression.  Respecting our biologically programmed need for play can transform.” (Although it's not what I was reading at the time, this quote was taken from Dr. Stuart Brown's book, Play: How It Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul - a title I immediately added to my To Read list.) That quote got me thinking. It got me thinking about a lot of things, but about libraries and librarianship in particular.

The thing is, I already work to integrate play into how I serve my community. I have run social and fun events and added popular reading materials to collections. This is something I've been doing ever since I learned about need states. Libraries should not be joyless places where people only do work - not even the stuffiest, dustiest research libraries are well served by focusing solely on the academic needs of their community. That kind of exclusivity does nobody any good.

No... what I'm thinking about is how to integrate the idea of play being so essential into how I operate as a librarian and a manager. I feel like I'm already doing some things right. Anyone who follows me there knows that my Twitter feed is only about 25% librarianship and academia - the rest is a mixture of size acceptance, silly animals, and general things that made me smile/think/happy. And then there's my office... I have toys, goofy pictures, and much nerdery all around my small space. Further, I try to do fun things for/with my staff. I've brought/ordered food on multiple occasions, added fun activities to retreats/meetings, gave everyone holiday gifts, and I try to have the atmosphere be as fun and relaxing as possible while still moving forward with projects and such.

But I need to think on this some more. Bringing play into the work place can be such a powerful motivator, so I need to figure out a way to do this intentionally, both for myself and for my staff.

How about you? What do you do, if you're a management type? And the rest of you - what would be your ideal for bringing play into the work place?

When the Answer is Always No (or at least it seems to be)

Last month I wrote a post about how I got management experience. That post resonated, but people wanted more:

@olinj Love this! Would appreciate tips on how to execute solutions in a "no" culture (period, end of sentence, don't even think about it).
— Elizabeth Lieutenant (@LizLieutenant) March 12, 2014

@LizLieutenant @olinj Oh man, same here.
— Anna-Sophia (@aszingarelli) March 12, 2014

Before I give you advice on dealing with human embodiments of NONONONO Cat up there, I want to remind everyone of the big ol' caveat that comes with every piece of advice I give. All tips and tricks that I give here, on Twitter, via email, or even in person, are all colored by my past experiences. Sometimes they are things that I tried that worked for me. Other times I share things I wish I'd tried, because whatever technique I did employ did not work. No matter the flavor of my advice, however, you must always remember: your mileage may vary.

Okay, on to dealing with "a 'no' culture." Truly, the best way of getting stuff done in this kind of atmosphere is to do your work ahead of time.

• Take time to think about all the possible reasons someone - a coworker, a boss, a colleague at another library - will say no. Do this ahead of time and come up with counters for every possible reason someone could turn you down. Think of it as doing a mini-SWOT analysis (or a major one if you're proposing something at the level of a program change).
• Consider when and who is most appropriate for you to ask. More than once in my current job I realized long after starting a process that I'd asked the wrong people to begin with. The most startling example of this was when I called advice about what kind of information to include in a proposal, only to be told, "You don't have to write a proposal. I can do that for you. I do that for other people around campus, so it's no big deal."
• Find examples of similar things that have worked at other institutions and/or look at the research related to the topic. That's how I got to incorporate gaming into our outreach efforts at one institution, and how I got permission to build a graphic novel collection at another.

Sometimes those won't be enough. You could get a question/concern that you didn't anticipate, or the money really isn't available, or maybe Professor Doe is just ornery and curmudgeony and doesn't like the cut of your jib. What should you do then?

• Wait and try again. "I know you didn't have time last semester, but could we talk about it again?" I don't want to be specific, but this worked with a former colleague. He was always too busy. Always. But I never gave up. I smiled whenever I saw him. Asked about his research and the classes he was teaching. Cookies may have entered into the proceedings at one point. Eventually he cracked.
• Find someone else to ask. That's how I got my cultural literacy series off the ground back at my last library. Asked person A, got a "no, thanks." Person B? "Great idea, but I'm too busy." Person C? "I can't, but you should ask [person A]." Person D? "I'd love to, and I can squeeze you into my schedule, but I don't have a lot of spare time and can't take a leading role." Person E? "Oh! I'd love to!"
• Realize that you won't be able to get every idea off the ground.

Finally, I want to discuss one of my biggest pet peeves. Lots of people espouse an attitude of, "it's easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to ask for permission." I'm not saying you should never do this, but I don't recommend doing it at the beginning of your career (or during early days of a new job), and you should only do it sparingly if you are later in your career or in your tenure at a particular institution. Do this early on or too much, people will think they can't trust you. 

How about the rest of my audience? What are some things you've tried that have worked for you?